The Eternal Silence of These Infinite Spaces: a philosophical tour de force, this penetrating review of Cormac McCarthy's epic novel
The Road reveals surprising parallels to George Gordon Lord Byron's Darkness, Albert Camus's The Stranger, and a certain prominent writer's missing SHIFT key.
The Puzzled Penis: this irreverent review of Philip Roth's prurient
Portnoy's Complaint features several clever euphemisms and a box of Kleenex(TM) that has vaguely anatomical features. This article was rejected by Good Housekeeping and The Christian Science Monitor on dubious grounds.
Beware the False Prophet: an exploration of mass hallucination in the religious context, along with several elegant lithographs of Yahweh communing with startled humans and various plants of antiquity. Also reveals for the first time what the abbreviation I.N.R.I. means (in case you ever wondered).
The Age of Reason Lost: continuing with our theme of religious appreciation, this charmingly esoteric piece of delicate philosophical writing probes with great subtlety the mysteries of life, the universe, and everything. Spoiler alert: this article answers the ultimate question.
Bryan's Blood People: an endearing short story about the struggles of a suburban South American family facing disease and mortality. Awarded First Prize for Realism in a Short Story by the Literalism in Fiction Council, Summer 2007.
The Old Man and the Sea: a book review of the novella that preceded Hem's Nobel Prize in Literature (1954), along with a photographic tour of the writer's Key West home and musical accompaniment by Dan Bern. Find the naked Russian girls and win an autographed copy of
Bryan's Blood People II.
From Hell's Heart I Stab at Thee: from the creators of
Star Trek: Wrath of Khan comes an iconoclastic new look at Herman Melville's discursive novel
Moby-Dick and a bit about anguish, madness, and the tyranny of time.
You Can't Go Home Again: originally posted in August 2006, this article visits the childhood home of Asheville native Thomas Wolfe and declares the author of
Look Homeward, Angel to be the tallest of the American writers, if not the greatest. Dedicated to rose-lipt maidens and lightfoot lads.
The Scarlet Letter: examines in excruciating detail the "partial-birth abortion" debate and concludes that Congress is a collection of pandering, scientifically illiterate troglodytes. I predicted in this piece that the Supreme Court would declare Congress's Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act [
sic] of 2003 unconstitutional, but I was fucking wrong.
This View of Life: a tribute to one of my favorite scientists, Stephen Jay Gould (R.I.P.), and some inebriate musings about The Tap Room in Hickory where my inebriate friends go for pub chips and Brown Mountain Light.
The Perils of Vegetarianism: truly, a diet without meat is worth aspiring to, but believe me that shit is difficult. In part one of our series on special dietary concerns, we explore the life of the fast-food vegetarian and discover what it is like to have no meaningful options.
Blue Ridge Mountain Blues: a biographical piece about bluegrass legend Doc Watson and old-time music from the mountains of North Carolina, where few people can read and even fewer people can spell.
Bessie Crim and Walter and Charles: this is a short story written by my father in 1994 that should have been published somewhere but wound up folded into an old book and forgotten for 13 years. Sadly, he no longer writes; the world has lost a great storyteller.
The Eternal Silence of These Infinite Spaces: a philosophical tour de force, this penetrating review of Cormac McCarthy's epic novel The Road reveals surprising parallels to George Gordon Lord Byron's Darkness, Albert Camus's The Stranger, and a certain prominent writer's missing SHIFT key.
The Puzzled Penis: this irreverent review of Philip Roth's prurient Portnoy's Complaint features several clever euphemisms and a box of Kleenex(TM) that has vaguely anatomical features. This article was rejected by Good Housekeeping and The Christian Science Monitor on dubious grounds.
Beware the False Prophet: an exploration of mass hallucination in the religious context, along with several elegant lithographs of Yahweh communing with startled humans and various plants of antiquity. Also reveals for the first time what the abbreviation I.N.R.I. means (in case you ever wondered).
The Age of Reason Lost: continuing with our theme of religious appreciation, this charmingly esoteric piece of delicate philosophical writing probes with great subtlety the mysteries of life, the universe, and everything. Spoiler alert: this article answers the ultimate question.
Bryan's Blood People: an endearing short story about the struggles of a suburban South American family facing disease and mortality. Awarded First Prize for Realism in a Short Story by the Literalism in Fiction Council, Summer 2007.
The Old Man and the Sea: a book review of the novella that preceded Hem's Nobel Prize in Literature (1954), along with a photographic tour of the writer's Key West home and musical accompaniment by Dan Bern. Find the naked Russian girls and win an autographed copy of Bryan's Blood People II.
From Hell's Heart I Stab at Thee: from the creators of Star Trek: Wrath of Khan comes an iconoclastic new look at Herman Melville's discursive novel Moby-Dick and a bit about anguish, madness, and the tyranny of time.
You Can't Go Home Again: originally posted in August 2006, this article visits the childhood home of Asheville native Thomas Wolfe and declares the author of Look Homeward, Angel to be the tallest of the American writers, if not the greatest. Dedicated to rose-lipt maidens and lightfoot lads.
The Scarlet Letter: examines in excruciating detail the "partial-birth abortion" debate and concludes that Congress is a collection of pandering, scientifically illiterate troglodytes. I predicted in this piece that the Supreme Court would declare Congress's Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act [sic] of 2003 unconstitutional, but I was fucking wrong.
This View of Life: a tribute to one of my favorite scientists, Stephen Jay Gould (R.I.P.), and some inebriate musings about The Tap Room in Hickory where my inebriate friends go for pub chips and Brown Mountain Light.
The Perils of Vegetarianism: truly, a diet without meat is worth aspiring to, but believe me that shit is difficult. In part one of our series on special dietary concerns, we explore the life of the fast-food vegetarian and discover what it is like to have no meaningful options.
Blue Ridge Mountain Blues: a biographical piece about bluegrass legend Doc Watson and old-time music from the mountains of North Carolina, where few people can read and even fewer people can spell.
Bessie Crim and Walter and Charles: this is a short story written by my father in 1994 that should have been published somewhere but wound up folded into an old book and forgotten for 13 years. Sadly, he no longer writes; the world has lost a great storyteller.
